:: rasa nak boh cabai je kt mulut minah tu! ::

ULL

(understanding learners and learning)

adalah subject yang paling gah of this century

(ceyt!)

subject plg susah for the time being..

mane tak nye..

for the last..hmm...ntah sjak aku blajar mende ni la..

aku xphm 80% of what was being taught..

bukan aku xnak paham..

tp..

sbb mmg phm tu xbg aku nk phmkan..

phm x?

xphm xpe..bukan kuar exam korg pon..

kuar exam ktorg ade ar..

huhu..

tp nasib open book test..

xpnah la plak nk wat test buka buku..

so..xtaw la cmne..huhu..

hope for the best.

nway..

ape yg nk diutarakan di sini adalah..

i tend to see the differences between the culture of learning between our way (Malaysian way) and their way (British way)

wut r the differences?

A LOT!

but one of the most obvious differences is

"RESPECT"

tadi ha..

kt kelas..

group aku ade 3 org minah saleh ni..

tp yg wat hal sorg ni je la yg lebeyh..

yg laen tu boleh tahan wat hal gk tp xsebanyak minah sorg ni ar..

name die.....

opss!

xleyh gtaw..

privacy..

so anyway..

ape yg die wat smpai aku rase meluat n kesian kt james ma (lecturer ktorg yang mempunyai rambut sperti baby)

1. minah ni dh la dok depan sekali..tp backing kan lecturer..meaning that, die kalih belah belakang yang membuatkan dia mcm membontoti lecturer..ble james ma ngah bercakap..die xtgk pon.
2. minah ni die duduk style angkat kaki kt ats meja..(ala2 cmtu ar.aku xtaw nk describe cmne).. hurm..tp bg aku..kalo culture mesia...jgn arap lah leyh survive wat perangai cmtu..n tmbh2 lg pmpuan..cz pmpuan pkai kain baju kurung kot..haha...but the point is..it does not look appropriate la..
3. minah ni suke cakap kuat2 time lecturer tgh bercakap.. die smbg ngn member die tp dgn nada yang cm nk cakap satu kelas...even james ma diam n tgk die pon die wat xtaw..smpai james ma kne ckp sendiri suh diam..tu pon die still x diam..still bising...n wat muke xtaw je kt lecturer.. but still org laen cm xde kate pape pon...sian gk ar james ma...mungkin cz die asian that they treat him like that.....tp..still..respect ar..aku pon naek meluat tgk scene ni..

-

-

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hurm..

ade lg..

tp malas dh la nk cte..

ni bru pas makan je ni.. smbung tulih

tyme perut kosong byk je idea..

perut penuh..

ilang dh sume idea..

maleh nk tulih same..

huh..

nway..

ritu g london..

ha..

bru nk cte..

ritu g london...satu batch..trip ngn madam caroline(our coordinator from mesia)

so g round2 ar..

mule2 round2 dlm bus..

xtrun pun at first..

ingtkan nk trun..

tp last2 trun gk skejap kt

Buckingham Palace

istana queen Elizabeth..

tyme ktorg g tu queen ade je kt dlm istana..

sbb bendera dorg naek..

tp xdpt tgk pon..

tp..

oleh sbb kami ni malaysian..

yang femes ngn kesukaan mengambil gmbr..

jd dlm 10 minit tu dan gk nk snap beribu2 pic..

haha..

ni antaranya..

(itu john...yang kepala berkaler tu..our coordinator kt uk ni)

then...

kami dilepaskan..

cm anak2 ayam kami ni..

so aku ngan

ainur,aroi,sheida,nefiy,faez, ijat and dyla

mengambil keputusan utk bejalan bersama2..

mula2 kami makan..

aku ade ar bw bekal sket2..sandwich n pizza..

n dyla bw nasi goreng..

n ijat bw biskut..

so pakat makan..

n masa tu sjuk..tp leyh gk makan

then kami bergerak jalan2 tanpa hala tujuan..

ade ar tgh2 jalan patung2 manusia...

cm mickey, pooh, charley chaplin..

dorg jd patung bergerak utk kutip duit..

tp yg aku geram..yg mickey sorg ni..kalo nk amik gmbr ngn die kne bg duit..

sdangkan sblm kami ade je org amik gmbr ngn die tnpa bg duit..

mmg prejudice tol! huh!

(muke sakit ati n sedeyh xleyh amik gmbar ngn mickey yang jahat)

pastu kami jalan2 g kt tgh2 london..

amik gmbar ngn patung singa la..

kt mercu tanda dorg la..

tp tmpat tu tggi..

nk naik kena panjat..

masa nk trun mmg gerun..takot jatuh..huhu..

(sequence cmne aku nk trun n betapa gerunnye aku nk trun..sume pakat nk tlg,,haha..)

pastu kami jalan2 g national gallery..

dlm tu ade la bermacam2 paintings..

n boleh disimpulakan..

dalam semua gmbar..

majority daripada painting2 tu..

biar la leonardo da vinci ke lukis..picasso ke lukis..

80% daripadanya mesit ada paint breast pmpuan or d**k laki..

huh..

ntah pape la dorg..

then kami pon bergerak lg..

bajet nk g national museum..

tgk peta..hmm...boleh tahan jauhnya..

try jalan ar..mana taw smpai..

huh...

dr london eye..kami jalan smpai ke picaddily circus, oxford street..

n mmg kalo tgk map jauh ar cmtu..

n jalan pon sakit kaki gk..

tp xsmpai2 pon national museum

tp kami ade la jumpe mcm2 otw tu..

kami jumpe chinatown!

mmg mcm dok kt china ar..

cm dok kt pggambaran jackie chan je rase..

haha..

suma china..

bau pon china..

best ar..leyh rasa keadaan kan..

then kami jalan2 masuk kt tmpat org2 kaya shopping..

n kami pon wat2 gaya cm kami kaya ar konon..

haha..

tgk2 berlian depa jual..

fulamakk...! baek punya harga lu!

nk mintak ja bakal suami aku beli cincin berlian kahwin nnt..

haha..

then..kami lapar..

so kami pon jalan2 la..

nk cari restaurant mesia..

sbb dorg kate ade restaurant mesia situ..

xjumpa..

pastu kami ade ter stop kat restaurant india ni..

bombay mali..

die tulis halal..

kami bace je menu kt luar..

then waiter die kuar..

"welcome guests...come in..we serve halal food..ABSOLUTELY halal..come2"

(dalam accent india )

kami mule xmo pon makan situ..

tp dh sbb dipaksa..

masuk je ar..

fulamak..grand siot restaurant ni

(wut dyou expect..tgh2 london kot)

n masuk2 tgk ade bar ngn arak..

adoi..

kate absolutely halal..

tp sini mmg sume restaurant wajib jual arak..

so xpela..nk wt cmne..

then kami duduk..n pilih menu..

aku plih makan nasi beriyani n ayam tandoori..

share ngn nefiy..

hurm..

sedap nye ok la..

tp aku suke beriyani mesia lg ar..

pas makan..

kami bergegaas balik ke tmpat asal kami..

sbb bas akan tggu di sana n kami pon blik la....

otw tu..

kami pon terjumpa la kedai bertulis

"RASA SAYANG"

restaurant mesia..

dowhh..!!!

alangkah gembiranya kami menjumpainya dahulu sblm makan..

tp..

apa kan daya..

xpe..experience..

ble g nk makan kt indian restaurant yg grand gitu kan?

nway...

otw nk blik canterbury..

mmg foggy habis ar jalan..

aku pon takot jd pape tp alhamdulillah kami smpai..

n aku tidor spnjg perjalanan dr london ke canterbury..

huh..

pjg dh kot cte aku..

nnt cte lg..

daa~

click! mggu depan reading week!! so cuti smggu! org mesia cuti raya china..aku pon cuti gk! blueekk!! haha...

:: I'm a woman ::

"Woman"

I worked late but you don't wait up

My bones ache and i'm cleaning the place up

Sometimes i don't even know i care

I sit down take off my make-up

I lay down but you don't wake up

Sometimes i wonder if you know i'm there

I can't remember the last time you

Told me i'm beautiful, and i can't remember

Last time you said anything at all

I'm a woman

A woman with a heart

And i deserve your all

I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants

I'm a woman

And i need to be touched

And i need to be loved

'cause being just your woman is not enough

Now i hope that you don't wake up

When it's too late to make up

You'll be the one that's alone and that's sad

In time you'll find somebody

The truth is she'll never be me

And that's when you're going to miss what we had

When all i really needed to hear was "you're beautiful"

All i really needed to hear was anything at all

I'm a woman

A woman with a heart

And i deserve your all

I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants

I'm a woman

And i need to be touched

And i need to be loved

'cause being just your woman is not enough

I'm not your friend who only needs you sometimes

And if i'm your lady

You got to treat me like...

I'm a woman

A woman with a heart

And i deserve your all

I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants

I'm a woman

And i need to be touched

And i need to be loved

'cause being just your woman is not enough

A woman needs your heart

A woman needs your all

A woman needs your everything

I'm a woman

And i need to be touched

And i need to be loved

And i deserve your everything

I'm a woman

I'm a woman

I'm a woman

:: - ::

@!#$%% sErABuT &*^%%%&

: aduhai ::

adoi..

PIPI makin NAIK

tp

suar jeans makin

LONGGAR

di pinggang

n

check berat still

MAINTAIN

ngan sblm fly ritu

cmne tu?

click! tp mate makin merah...huuu...

:: waiting ::

huhu...

mata dh teruk..

sminggu lg nk tggu jumpa specialist..

kt

SURGERY!!????

ntah..itu yg ditulis kt surat..

tp rase x kot..

specialist nk check je maybe..

papepon..

the redness is getting worser...

n i suffer like hell when i wake up everyday..

huhu..

xlarat..

sgguh besar ujian tuhan...

(@_@)

:: takotkah anda? ::

psst....

weyh....

korg....

nk tnye ni...

korg penah xrase........

takot?

yes!

TAKOT

itulah topik kte mlm ini yer..

(sbnrnye xtaw nk letak topik pe..)

hurm,..

penah x korg ade perasaan takot..

takot mmg ade byk jenis..

takot hantu la

takot lipas la

(mcm adik aku...die mmg penakot lipas num 1 di asia! n penjerit num 1 di dlm umah!)

takot tggi la

takot blood la

(mcm bf aku..haha..takot darah gler)

takot jarum la

takot...

mcm2 la..

tp kan..

ape yg aku nk ctekan di sini

bukan berkaitan dgn mana2 di atas

ia berkaitan ngn

TAKOT APABILA DILEPASKAN BERSENDIRIAN

paham x?

meh aku nk terangkan..

takot yg dimaksudkan adalah.

takot ble keseorangan..

tp bukan keseorangan dlm blik ke ape..

tp apabila keseorangan tanpa ade org bersama kita utk menjaga kita..

ok..meh nk bg situasi la

contohnya..

dulu2..

aku sllu ada perasaan ni bila pg2 nk g sekolah..

ikut la sekolah rendah ka menengah ka..even mase nk masuk maktab pon..

aku still ada perasaan ni..

perasaan ni xleyh nk describe..

contoh dulu..masa aku darjah 5..

kekadang ayah aku antar g skolah..

pastu ble smpai kt gate skolah..aku mmg rasa takot nk g sekolah..

aku rasa takot bila ayah aku tggalkan aku sorg2 kt skolah..

aku takot sbb xdk org nk jaga aku..

huu..

nk nangeh ja sllu rasa..

mcm la time aku nk masuk IPBA

cmtu gk..

mak ayah aku mai hantaq

(tu dia.masuk kedah..selesa sket ckp gini)

mak ayah aku mai hantaq smpai ke kl..

pastu bila masa parents aku nk blik..

aku jd ketaq lutut..

takut..

sjuk tgn..

nk nangeh..

(aku nangeh gk kot last2)

aku jd cm scared of being left alone without them close to me..

huhu..

tp pastu aku ok ja..

so..

the point here is..

aku skang ngah ada perasaan tu..

huhu..

aku rasa takot tetiba dok kt uk ni..

tnpa mereka2 seperti family aku...

n bf aku..

huhu..

aku bru pas ckp ngn bf aku..

n

skang aku ada perasaan takut ni..

sllu ja cmni..

masa nk hang up ja aku dh ketaq lutut..

dh takut..

sbb dia xdak dh dkat ngn aku

mmg ar dia berbillion batu away..

tp bile ckp..i feel close to him..

n bila nk hang up....rasa jauh..

n..

huu...

takot....~

plus..

i miss him..

huu..

so..

begitulah..

nk ilangkan perasaan ni..

its either i called him back..

or i listen to my favourite songs,,

usually songs loong ago..

like spice girls..

bsb..

nsync..

songs that make me feel like home..

awww....

or just try n do things that will distract my mind..

like..

g sembang ngn member smpai xingt dunia..

xpon mkn...

hee..

xpon wat hw..

like wut i'll be doing now..

huhu..

so..

tu je..

chow~

click! aku juga sllu takot kalo aku terbgn mlm2 n tgk kt tgkap cm ada menda pelik...perkara yg akan aku lakukan......tutup muka ngn bantal then baca ayat qursi...xpon..... ntah..tidoq ar kot..

:: feelings ::

feelings..

what is feelings?

"perasaan"

oh..ok..

hurm..

everyone has got their own feelings and emotions..

we cannot run away from it..

it is part of us..

whether we like it or not..

sumtimes..

we can control our feelings..

but a lot of times

its uncontrollable..

sometimes its going up..

sometimes...down..

but seriously..

the feelings that i'm having

can sometime kill me!

yeah..

kill me into bits of pieces!

ok..

i'm not being emo right now..

cz u all know if once i started to become emo

life would not be the same..

i warn u..

so anyway..

these couple of days..

i'm having this sort of mixed feelings..

that i myself could not describe what it is...

at times i feel so noble..

at times i feel so happy

at times i feel so good

at times i feel like heaven

at times i feel like everything is so nice and good

but..

at times i feel like i'm useless

at times i feel like i wanna cry

sometimes i feel like nothing in this world looks good

sometimes i feel like i'd rather just end it here

sometimes i feel like i dont deserve to live

sometimes i feel like i'm the worse person ever lived..

n i dont deserve to be around with people like you

somehow..

these feelings are eating me slowly..

i'm scared if in the end..

it just happens to destroy me..

i tried to calm myself..

to think rationally..

i turn to Quran

i prayed

i recite the doa

but..

it went on pretty well for a while

then..

my feelings came back again..

n became worse than before..

i dont want to lose the people around me with my actions..

but..

i DUNNO!!

i dunno what is happening to me!!

I may look ok on the outside..

but i might be different on the inside..

GOD help me....